Questing for pastries
by Psycho-35803
Summary: Every so often, a truly incredible and amazing story is written. One that devours all concepts of the world around you. ...And then there's ~this~


-Zzt-  
Looking for my muffin! Don't interrupt me again! Rips a hole in time and space Hehehehee...  
-Zzt-  
-----------------------------------------  
-------------------------------------  
------------------------------------------  
Harry was having a very dull day indeed at Hogwarts. After the competition and the unfortunate death of Cedric Diggory, no students were allowed on campus, for fear of lawsuits against the school. Indeed the entire Gryffindor Tower was floating 2 inches off the ground, and slightly tilted to one side, due to Harry's enormous ego, which now had a room of its very own. Ron woke Harry up for no apparent reason because he could never remember his motivation to begin with.  
  
"Come outside Harry, you've got to see this!"   
"In a minute Ron, I forgot my Viking hat."  
  
The Gryffindors thought this very unusual, as Harry never wore a Viking Hat. It was merely for decorative purposes only and not meant to be taken outside the common room.   
  
"What is that Harry?" Asked Ron in a tone of incredulous surprise, because it takes him a while to register basic shapes.  
"This can't be good, I'm going to see what it is." Harry replied, reaching for his wand.  
"What if it's, you know, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?"  
"Voldemort wouldn't come here, he can't stand up to Dumbledore."  
  
Outside, a blue swirl ripped across the sky near the lake, sending the water rolling in waves. Two figures were sent sprawled out onto the grass. The slightly smaller one landed roughly and was sent rolling out.  
  
Harry reached them and pointed his wand at them, ready to shoot first and ask questions later.   
  
"Stop! Who are you and what are you doing here?"  
  
The blue void shot out spirals of energy again and more figures came out, all very strange to the world of Hogwarts. The hole closed up and Harry could see again.  
Once again he pointed his pink flamingo to them and yelled "Stop!" At that precise moment, the other figures ran towards Harry, shouting spastic phrases and making bad martial arts noises. The leader of the group had a ladder and was hitting the rest with it.  
  
"I must save Uncle!" Jackie Chan screamed and ran off into the fog. "What's going on?" Harry asking in shock. "No..muffin. no muffins!" the smaller one wailed, and for the first time, Harry realized it must be some sort of animagus, for it's fox tail was twitching. The other figure was a blond, 15 year old girl, who tried to soothe it.  
  
"...it's not your fault."  
"It had blueberries!"  
"Shh..shh...I know." And she patted it gently on the head  
  
"Wh..who are you? What's going on?" Harry stammered on like a broken record. Ron and Hermione were running across to Hagrid's hut, to get help, but when they got there, it was no use. In Hagrid's backyard was an enormous chimera, and he was apparently playing fetch with it, a glazed look over his eyes, like one who has fallen into a sugar vat (except without the "Oh god I'm dying dying!..bblurpblurpbrp speech.")  
  
The fox had apparently come to its senses and took out his own wand. Waving it over his head and muttering something Harry couldn't make out, black thread shot out of it an enormous rate and soon the fox was wearing a Hufflepuff robe. A moment later, the girl's clothes had changed into robes too, though Harry couldn't remember when that had happened.  
  
"Where's my muffin!?"  
"What? We don't have your muffin. What are you talking about, did Sirius send you?"  
"I want my muffin! Accucio meteor!" It yelled, and a new looking broomstick came towards it. The fox mounted and sped off towards the castle, leaving Harry, the girl, and the group of wizards who had finally woken up in awkward silence.  
  
The ninjas had regained consciousness and were now twirling around doing really badly choreographed stunts.   
"Uyooo!"  
"Hicha!"  
"Shumuru!"   
Harry knew it was time to take action, so he reached for his flamingo...er...wand and fired stunning spells, but his flamingo caught fire and flew off. (Don't worry, it   
is living safely in Florida now and having a wonderful time, with a wife and two point five children.)  
  
Meanwhile, the chimera got out of control and was shooting flames at Ron and Hermione. Jackie Chan ran out of the darkness, now drinking heavily, and came to their rescue.  
  
"WHOAMIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" He yelled while doing a set of wall-kicks that set him on top of the chimera.  
"What else could go wrong!?" Hermione wailled, and on que, the portal ripped open again, this time shooting out lego men and a large green bird that was parasailing.  
"We must build here!" One yelled out in a high-pitched voice.   
"Hurrah!"  
"Yay" "For king an country!"  
"Whoohoo!" "Blimey!" And they set to work, building a giant wall made of muggle toys that kept spewing out of the portal.  
  
"What the bloody hell is going on?" Harry asked noone in particular.  
  
The girl was now in deep thought and was taking notes while humming happily.  
  
Harry pushed up on the rims of his glasses with his forefinger and ran to face the ninjas head on. After a few seconds of truly pitiful fighting and an enormous amount of gibberish from the ninjas, all of them ran away to fight Jackie chan, who was now doing Drunken Boxing in slow motion, giving him a moment to rest. "Unagi!" One cried out and did a half-somersault into the water.  
  
The lego people had built a massive city of plastic in only a few seconds.  
"You can't build there! It's residentially zoned!"  
"No it's not, there's a school, can't you see? I can build my police department here if I want to. It's public affairs."  
"It would be too close to our television station!"  
  
"No it wouldn't!" Two of the lego people screamed back.  
One of them stuck out a painted tongue, and his lego arm fell off.  
"Ha, I've got me five finger discount."   
"Give me that back, I'm not insured!" "Only if you move your Commerce Headquarters, and destroy your warehouse, there's too many of them!"  
  
The fox came back out of the castle, looking sad and miserable, followed behind by Dumbledore and Severus Snape.  
  
"I was afraid something like this would happen," Dumbledore explained. "Indeed, Potter looks for trouble everywhere and usually gets away with it." Snape explained, completely in the right, but nonetheless hated by a majority of the audience for no apparent reason.  
  
The fox zoomed down to his fangirl and explained that there were no muffins.  
"It's okay." And with that, she jumped on the broom and gave him a hug that sent him out of control, because it's very difficult to drive a broomstick when you can't breathe. The fox wagged it's tail weakly and headed back for the void.  
  
And with that, all the strange people were sucked into the void again and it closed with a flash, but not before dropping a tiny yellow mouse.  
  
"Pikach-" It squeaked out before a giant fish swallowed it.  
  
Albus Dumbledore was looking exceptionally weary for such a fine day. You could even see through the fog for once. He trotted up to Harry. Harry couldn't put his finger on it, but it seems as if Dumbledore looked different...and slightly smaller. Almost as if he were a different person. Dumbledore sighed heartily and his eyes twinkled. "It looks as if it's raining melons, this might not be over" And so it was, because only muggles think that they can ever replace the original Dumbledore, and only he knew exactly what was going on. And it wasn't melons, it was pineapples, if you must know. And so fifty points were subtracted from Gryffindor and given to Hufflepuff. Everything returned to normal. Except of course...now they say if you listen very carefully on a brightly lit day, you can hear the cries of "Where are you uncle?" from the depths of the forest.  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
-----------------------------------  
--------------------------  
-----------  
= [END]  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I know that there's a lot of these kinds of stories circulating around now, but that's okay, I needed to write this. I'm actually a very big fan of Rowling and the movies and am waiting eagerly for the next book. I'm not worried about losing my rep, mainly because if any of my friends had read my work before, they certainly don't now.  
  
P.S. I still have my gate key, but now I only use it in areas I know that muffins are located. You see, they're commercially zoned. :)  
~kit 


End file.
